By Zahava Garber, LCSW
For many kids and adults alike, entering the month of June means one thing: the countdown to the last day of school is officially on. While some welcome this season with anticipated excitement, others experience something very different. Changes in routine, loss of structure, and adjusting to new camp environments can feel chaotic and overwhelming, increasing stress levels for families. And as many of us know, summer is also associated with high expectations for fun, ease, and an added pressure on parents to produce a magical experience for their families. So what do we do when these norms are met with chaos? Feelings of anxiety? Sensory overload?
During stressful moments, parents often become emotionally swept up in the chaos around them. When a child is dysregulated, a parent’s nervous system can quickly follow, and vice versa. On the other hand, when parents are able to stay grounded and calm, children, even in highly emotional moments, are more likely to regulate quicker and communicate their feelings and needs more effectively. So how do we actually “stay calm”? Mindfulness, an essential element of DBT, teaches us how to pause to observe, describe, and participate in what is happening in the present moment, without judgement, without attaching meaning, and instead move forward in an effective way. This small shift creates space between emotion and reaction. It allows us to take the wheel over our mind and emotion to choose what comes next. Let’s use the following example to break this down and be specific:
A mom is trying to get two kids out the door on the first day of camp. It’s already hot and bright outside, one child can’t find a shoe, the other is refusing sunscreen and refusing to go altogether. Breakfast dishes are everywhere, and she is already late for work due to the later camp start time. She’s starting to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
1. Observe. This means noticing what is happening without immediately judging it or reacting.
What she notices:
- Her heart is racing
- Her shoulders are tight
- The kitchen feels loud
- One child is whining
- Heat from outside is making her feel irritated
- Thoughts are showing up like:
- “This is a disaster.”
- “We’re always late.”
- “I can’t handle this.”
Instead of instantly yelling, she pauses for 5 seconds and mentally says:
- “I notice tension in my chest.”
- “I notice noise.”
- “I notice panic thoughts.”
- “I notice the heat is affecting me.”
2. Describe. This means putting words to the facts, without exaggerating or adding judgments.
Instead of:
- “These kids are impossible.”
- “This morning is a nightmare.”
- “She’s going to have a terrible day.”
She describes the situation more accurately:
- “One child is missing a shoe.”
- “We have 15 minutes before we need to leave.”
- “She is nervous for the first day of camp.”
- “I’m feeling overwhelmed and hot.”
- “The kitchen is messy.”
This step lowers emotional intensity because by naming what is happening, we shift from emotional reactivity into more logical thinking.
3. Participate. This means fully entering the moment and doing what works, instead of staying stuck in panic, criticism, or multitasking chaos.
Now she focuses on the next effective action:
- Gets down to the child’s eye level
- Speaks slower on purpose. “It’s okay to be nervous. Changes can be hard. It can also be fun, let’s see what happens. I’ll be right here when you get back.”
- Helps look for the shoe for 2 minutes
- Hands the other child sunscreen with two choices:
- “Do you want spray or lotion?”
- Stops trying to clean the kitchen right now
- Accepts that the morning may not be perfect
Using Observe, Describe, and Participate helps her slow down, notice what’s happening without judging it, and focus on one effective step at a time. The morning may still be messy, but everyone stays more regulated and connected. Mindfulness helps us intentionally slow down and fully experience the small moments of summer. So as we move into June, we can find calm moving into this season knowing that while the transitions of summer may be coming, we are equipped to handle it with mindfulness and move through it with connection over chaos.
